I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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