i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
