i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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