How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
