Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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