3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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