i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
