As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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