Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
