You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
