WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
