I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
