I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize