Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
