We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
