I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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