Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left your phone here
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