After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
