New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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