Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
