So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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