Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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