Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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