There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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