A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
