Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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