Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
