After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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