No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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