either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
