wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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