How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
