theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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