spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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