I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
