Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
