how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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