as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
