Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
