bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
