wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
