we're chasing vodka with high fives
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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