Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
