Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
