yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
