I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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