And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
