thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
