Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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