I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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