So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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