ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
