how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Randomize