It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
