we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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