his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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