Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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