and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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