im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
