You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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