so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
