K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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