Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
