there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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