Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
