Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
