feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
is it fun? or sober?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
