Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
