Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
