We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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