if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
